he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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