is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We are two peas in an std pod
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
