so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
