Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
