She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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