I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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