No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
