He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
