Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
