How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
