You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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