i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
