im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
