so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
