tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just had sex on a roof
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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