it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
