The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
