trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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