Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
