Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
