and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
