Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
