Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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