I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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