It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
