I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
