my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You pole danced in your parka.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
