O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
