I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
