But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
