Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
