Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
