It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize