textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
