You just made me feel so damn special
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
