yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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