I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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