I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
