it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
