Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
