Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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