Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just pee around me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
