So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
