their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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