Do you still have your period?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
