drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We have so much sex to catch up on
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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