Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
