I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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