I am in a vortex of obligation.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
