'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
