I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
