I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
