If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
