Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
