I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
