I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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