I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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